I’ve been dating my guy for apx 5 months and while talking about some intimate stuff he reminded me about your IG page and he said “…& that’s why I love them and their podcast.” Well I haven’t said anything yet to him yet but I’ve banked like 15 episodes in the past 2 days (& the day is still young!) I also purchased the foreplay course. I LOVE YOU BOTH!! Thank you!!! The needy episode was so applicable to right now but really the female orgasm episode… WOW!! I can’t believe I hadn’t listened to you before but I’m so happy I have so many episodes to keep me company. Not to mention the fact that my still semi-new BF recommended this podcast… I am so grateful for him and that he’s not “too much of a ‘man’” to Do THE WORK!!! Totally swooning over all of this! Also, I’ve for sure felt awkward listening to a few episodes but you always make me feel better by the end. I’ve been journaling simultaneously and I foresee me putting correlating journal-footnotes w your episode numbers in the future! I want every man, and woman, to listen to you!!! Much love!!! -Stef

10/5 stars! Vanessa and Xander are amazing. As a penis-owner, it was hard 😉, but I did it, I caught up and listened to 200+ episodes! I tried Vanessa and Xander's advice and did one of the sexiest things a man can do, follow through on what he says he'll do, which in this case, was to write a review once I caught up! 🥳 I can't thank Vanessa and Xander for all they've done and most importantly was to help normalize talking about sex and normalize that none of us really had a clue! Their guides are amazing and well worth the price, so affordable. I also want to 📣 other listeners, don't be discouraged, sometimes what V&X suggest will work like 🧙 AND other times it'll take 👷💪, so keep going and you'll climb that 🏔️ and it'll be 🎆, so mahalo and X if you're ever on Oahu, let's 🏄!

Yes. I said it. This podcast probably could’ve saved my marriage. As a Sexual Trauma Survivor, & someone that needs that emotional connect in my relationship.. Sex and Intimacy was a huge reason I separated from my ex husband. The disconnect had grown so vast that it was hard to bounce back from. It wasn’t the only thing but it was a major key player. Listening to this podcast has made me feel seen, validated, & understood & I have no doubt if he listened to this as well he would feel the same . Xander and Vanessa have a way of normalizing & validating a man and a woman’s POV & stripping the shame and judgement from those POVs that so many people today feel. They broach every taboo topic that makes you feel like the outsider or maybe that you’re alone. What a relief to discover, that you’re actually in a crowd of people that all have had the same or similar issues! This is a marriage MUST listen. In a good spot, in a bad spot, or in whatever path you are walking. You MUST add this to your marital repertoire. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I’ve been following you guys for a while and really appreciate your content both as a mental health therapist and a person in a long-term relationship. But I was really disappointed by your recent Is it cheating episode. I know that you guys try to keep it fun and light, which is great but the constant cackling and making fun of people writing in with presumably what to them were serious questions about upsetting events in their lives felt insensitive to me. And Xander’s advice that the woman who had had an inappropriate relationship with a friend when she was engaged, in my opinion was terrible. You don’t even know this person or her husband, and you advised her to leave him without telling him why or about her emotional affair. She mentioned that they had children too. Just felt irresponsible to me to give that kind of advice to someone you don’t know. I appreciate your guys’ content and will continue to follow you, but I encourage you to be a little more responsible and sensitive when responding to real life questions on your podcast.

This podcast has done so much good for my marriage! Finally getting a chance to communicate with my husband about the things I want out of him and vise versa! Our sex life is at a high and stays that way now! And I’m not afraid to tell him what I want and how I want that! Pillow talk has given me the courage to open up about my wants and needs! Thank you both so much! I just subscribed on Apple podcasts not too long ago and I’m more than glad I did! Just a short amount of time it’s changed a lot!! Thank you both so much!

Love the podcasts!! Vanessa & Xander are so fun to listen to and you can feel how genuine they are and how much they truly value each other.

I first heard of Pillow Talk when I listened to an episode from the Mel Robbins podcast. I learned to love what Vanessa had said on the podcast so I headed over to Spotify and am HOOKED. I'm only 23 years old and did not realize how much a podcast like this could help my sex life. My boyfriend and I listened to some of the episodes together and have loved it. I love hearing what Vanessa has to say but having a male also give input is so helpful. Xander you rock and you guys are such a power couple. I am constantly recommending this podcast to my friends. ❤️

I like this podcast but the constant ads interrupting the conversation is really annoying. This definitely turns me off. You could leave the ads for the beginning or the end of the show. I don’t think I can keep listening if this keeps going on.

Bottom line. It appears more time is spent on ad reads than actual content. Waste of time

I cannot thank you enough for giving us the tools to talk about sex and intimacy! My husband and I have been together 30 plus years. One would think we had it all figured out, but boy were we wrong. I have listened and followed you both for a while and finally bit the bullet and bought your “ Best Week Ever” and “Sex Talks” cards. We are new empty nester and have had a resurgence in our sex life and communication thanks to Vanessa and Xander. The questions and challenges encouraged us to become really vulnerable when it came to sex. I bought two more guides and we are excited to dig in and keep learning more about each other. Thank you!

Oh my goodness oh my goodness oh my goodness I’ve been married for 18 years. My oh my …would this podcast have saved lots of crying myself to sleep at night. For the first time, I don’t feel broken as a woman who loves sex!!!! Now I know my husband and I just speak very different languages, stress has truly zapped his sex drive and of course me making him feel bad makes it worse . But now we have the tools to work with!! You’ve given me hope that our sex life can be exactly what I wanted it to be. My husband is eager and open to learning and listening as well. I’ve already sent this podcast out to more women than I can count. I truly feel this very podcast will save many marriages. Thank you again happy tears running down my face.

Just started listening to this pod earlier today and there are waaay too many ads

Love the show. Amazing advice and I always feel better after listening. The show is relatable, funny, and down to earth. Makes you feel seen and connected. Also follow on instagram!! Thank you both.

I just started listening this week, and I’ve already learned so much! It’s entertaining and informative and I’m so excited to keep listening!!

The practical insight is good but the way Vanessa talks to Xander is often negative/controlling with comments like “you’re spoiling what I’m going to say later” or “that was a weird bunny trail you took us on” or getting defensive about things she’s assumed to be an expert on. I know these topics are inherently vulnerable but I’m surprised to find how often their conversations feel awkward between them since this is their work. Some less-healthy relationship dynamics feel present while listening which feels distracting.

This podcast is such a fantastic resource! As a fellow sex therapist, I listen to this podcast weekly and refer my clients to it on a regular basis. Vanessa and Xander talk about sex personally and professionally with candor and ease. Thanks for keeping up the great work!

Your knowledge of female anatomy is limited. It is concerning that your representation of how women enjoy sex is so old fashioned, so incomplete.

Wow - this is the podcast I needed!!! I just listened to Vanessa on Mel Robbins’ podcast and immediately had to find this podcast. I am diving in hard and this is what I needed. A real life couple, being silly and having fun, talking about sex in an approachable way. I needed this in my season of life right now as I’m out of the baby stage and have younger/middle age children and I need to get back the spark in my marriage. This is already a light in my life and I know it will help as I keep listening!

I have listened to this podcast for a while and it definitely has contained useful information to help my relationship in the past. Lately, though, I feel like the episodes contain way too many ad sponsor breaks, and the content itself seems like it’s just designed to advertise and push the listener towards purchasing guides from VM therapy. I understand this is a business for them and they need to sell their product, but lately this podcast just feels like a waste of my time.

Such a great podcast! Vanessa and Xander are the best! This is a must listen. Super informative but also fun and entertaining. I have learned so much and can’t get enough!

I absolutely love Vanessa and Xander’s podcast. I was in an abusive relationship for almost a decade and after leaving the relationship I grappled with so many sex and relationship issues. Luckily I found an amazing therapist who helped me navigate life after all the trauma and I’m in such a good place now. I wasn’t sure intimacy or sex would be something that I could ever enjoy after my situation. I have utilized both the free guides about reclaiming your sex life after abuse and bought several of the courses Vanessa and Xander offer as well. They are all amazing and have helped me reach such a healthy place with my body. The podcast is informative and so much fun to listen to and I love how open and honest Vanessa and Xander both are. They have helped me feel more comfortable and break through so many barriers that were holding me back. I can’t recommend their podcast enough and look forward to listening to it every week!

I discovered you guys on Instagram and enjoyed your frankness and humor so much I’ve subscribed to your podcast and am always exploring your archive! My partner and I are 62 years old (both divorced from long term marriages that we were too stubborn to leave any earlier). We are very happy with our sex life (but if you ever wanted to do an episode on having a happy and fulfilling sex life post menopause, we have a lot to say). You guys have helped us have conversations we might otherwise have avoided because “everything’s okay”. Now that we’re listening to you, it’s more than ok, it’s great! We are more emotionally intimate BECAUSE you’ve given us the tools to be more physically intimate.

I want to love this podcast but omg the ads are out of control

I really enjoy these podcasts but the last month or so the ads have gotten insane. There are still Valentine’s Day ads and it’s march??!!

Hey guys this is my first ever review of any podcast. I have been listening to the podcast for about a year and I listen to 1 or 2 shows a day. Long story short, I am a happily married dad of 2 under 8 and have had my fair share of ups and downs in the last few years. Was in education for 11 years, had a full blown panic attack in my 9th year while in the classroom with students present. Started looking for a way out and chose farming. While in that transition my mental health took a toll. I feel like in my region male mental health is not talked about enough. Your podcast has helped me cope with my anxiety and helped in the bedroom as well! I just wanted to let you know that what y’all are doing is making a difference! I look forward to listening to many more episodes to come as well as listening to all your old shows. Take care and Thank you!

Vanessa & Xander are super fun to listen to. I enjoy & appreciate their openness. They help normalize sex and intimacy and willing to talk about the hard subjects as well.

Listen, I’m a Certified Sex Therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor and even I gain so much from Vanessa and Xander’s content, both here on the podcast and on social media. They’re real and relatable and I find myself picking up info all the time that I end up passing along to my clients (with a rec that they follow/subscribe too, of course). This is definitely NSFW but their info and recommendations are always delivered with humor and practicality.

I left a 16 year relationship last year and didn’t quite realize how much our sex life affected me in a negative way until after I got out and started talking about my experience. I am now exploring a great sex life with my new partner and your podcast has been eye opening and a great way to broach topics within this new relationship. It has helped me feel more confident/ safe in the bedroom and closer to my partner emotionally and physically.

Vanessa and Xander are lovely and I often enjoy their conversations but lately it feels like more than half of the episode is ads. I would rather a paid subscription model.

I am a 56 year old woman who is new to podcasts. I stumbled across Pillow Talks and have really enjoyed it. Did I mention I have only ever had sex with my husband of 34 years and I am multi orgasmic? I loved the episode about body confidence and the discussions of positions—keep it up!

I’m a divorced, single guy and had initially listened to the podcast haphazardly. However, in a very short time, I became a huge fan and have listened to nearly every episode in order & they are really good! Men, if you want to become the best version of yourself in the bedroom, be open to listening to & learning from Vanessa & Xander. You’ll always have something to talk about (or maybe try out)! I also have most of the guides and courses and highly recommend them. Vanessa & Xander just seem like two of your really smart, funny, and compassionate friends who want you to have the best sex and relationships possible!

I am so thankful I found your podcast, I listen to it while I am walking my dogs and find myself extending my walks just to finish an episode. While I am working on getting my husband on board with listening as much as I do. It has provided me with some great self reflection and tips on marriage and sex life!

As a 59 year old married man I am not the core listener but love the podcast I have learned something l, confirmed others and laughed love it

The content is great, but holy cow, ads every few minutes. Finally got tired of skipping through them and moved on to a different podcast.

Love your podcast! My husband came across it over a year ago and we both started listening together and separate. I know you’ve had reviews and comments saying people wished it was geared towards couples with children, but I’m here to say it can be!! Be open minded and creative. Like the “f” first rule, get the sitter to come a little earlier - you have to want to make it work and if you do, it will. Thank you Vanessa and Zander for your open honest communication, you have helped me be more open with my husband and have important conversations.

So forever grateful for Vanessa and Xander, this podcast, their courses, and everything they do. I first found Vanessa when she was on Armchair Expert and then immediately binged all of the podcast episodes from the very start. Now I continue to look forward to each weekly airing on top of getting their content daily through emails and their Instagram. Not only have the podcasts been immensely helpful for my sex life but also my relationship as a whole, helping us connect more physically and emotionally, even 10 years in with my husband. Their courses are incredible as well and highly recommend everything they do! Love and appreciate their down to earth, relatable, open and honest, evidence based content! I have and continue to learn so much from Vanessa and Xander❤️

Mental load enough said! Me understanding mental load has changed the way I’ve looked at things a lot different I’ve always struggled of not understanding why my partner seem like she never wanted to have sex just in the matter of a week Istarted helping more and taken some of that load off her and I feel so much better about myself and my partner is starting to be more comfortable and more touchy something she’s always struggled with and feeling more connected. I can’t wait to learn even more I feel like I got a little cheat code now to are relationship

As a woman who is working through embarrassment and insecurity around sex, even with my husband who I’ve been with for 13 years, Vanessa & Xander helped start that journey for me. They take that shame and embarrassment out of all of the topics they discuss, really focus on communication and pleasure for all. I love that they are so accepting of everyone and are so genuine. It truly is the sex education you wish you had.

I somehow stumbled on your instagram in a dry spell we my marriage. Your instagram, web site, classes and podcasts have been a light in the dark, an oasis in the desert. We have learned so much and are reconnecting like we haven’t been for years. It came at a critical time two with an empty nest looming. Thank you and I intend to keep learning and listening and reading all you have to offer.

My wife and I have started listening to your show in the last few months, and it gives us conversation starters and topics that are really exciting! We are currently navigating a long distance relationship while I am deployed to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Your show has been a godsend and I really appreciate your open, candid conversations about your own relationship that we can use to improve ours. Thank you for what you do and keep it up!

I could listen to Vanessa talk all day! She is so intelligent and knowledgeable. I LOVE her! Xander (so sorry) but he is so annoying! He goes on these long winded tangents that are complete common sense and I find myself just waiting for Vanessa to start talking again so we can get back on track! I had to stop listening. ):

My wife and I both love your show. Straightforward & honest talk about relationships. Like sitting around and chatting with friends. And it doesn’t hurt that Vanessa has the cutest & most infectious laugh of all time!

Vanessa and Xander have taught me so much about not only how to connect to my partner sexually but also emotionally. I have been a listener since close to day one and continue to grow and learn with and from them. My partner and I have benefited immensely from all the unique and relevant topics they candidly talk about and I will continue listening for as long as possible. Keep up the great work! Thank you!

Pillow Talks is an excellent and relatable podcast that covers mental, sexual, and relationship health topics which are critical for how much we get what we want out of life. 😍✌️🧠🧘‍♂️🥰 their episode about shame came right when i was working through my own exploration of my emotions and attitudes around sexuality and so many other aspects of life - and while i already thought i knew enough - they further enlightened me and helped me think about things from additional perspectives. 🎉 please give it a shot if ya want - see if you find it useful!👍❤️

I’m currently single, and also a divorcee, and in both my long term relationships my partner did not prioritize my sexual needs and or safety. This podcast gives me a lot of hope that I can have a better experience, because if Vanessa and Xander can have it, why not I? And because they’re giving me more tools and skills to make sure my needs will be met next time. Thank you for the amazing content!

This has been a great tool we’ve used for the past year to help our relationship grow and mature after 17 years of marriage. It’s a helpful podcast to listen to together or separately and then come back to discuss together (since my husband travels often) and it brings up a lot of topics we’ve never discussed before. We’ve learned a lot together since there’s a lot of topics we wouldn’t bring up on our own. Thank you for the honest chats and relatable content!

Love love love.

After 26 years of marriage, I stumbled across you guys. I feel like I’m drinking from a fire hose catching up with all the back episodes, but it is good. I love your work, and please don’t stop!

My marriage has been going through a tough stage for a couple years now. Between my (not until recently diagnosed) anxiety, job troubles, a renovation, move across the country just for our new home to flood and need a renovation and a pet loss I have been STRUGGLING. I’m bringing your tips into my relationship trying to heal the past but I’m also using them to reflect on my personal journey and how to not make the same mistakes over again. Between this and personal therapy I feel so much better in my skin and my ability to self soothe without picking a fight with the hubby. I love your episodes where you read listener stories and give your advice. I also love any episode where the two of you are unhinged. Keep it up!

Keep up the good advice and info.